You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
