WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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