The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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