He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
