At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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