I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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