So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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