Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
