the condom got lost in my hair
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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