I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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