So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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