My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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