Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
