if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
