I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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