I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's rum buckets o'clock
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
