i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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