on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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