I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
