i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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