I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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