hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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