how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
