Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
