just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
