Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
try to milk me bitch
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