4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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