her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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