and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
