So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
