Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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