Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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