id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
