You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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