Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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