Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
