I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
