Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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