if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
