um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
