i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
