STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
