The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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