Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
