After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
