Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Barsexuality is the new black.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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