When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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