I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
well you can't waste a boner
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
