I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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