you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
