She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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