that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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